Yes, I’m Asian. Specifically Chinese. And also Diabetic. I suppose you could name a few reasons why this is not exactly a match made in heaven. Well, being diabetic to begin with is not anyone’s #1 wish to Santa or the Genie but the combination of being Asian AND diabetic is lame. Why? I can tell you exactly why.
Rice, rice, baby.
That’s it. Some would say this is a stupid reason, but growing up eating all types of Asian foods, it’s really not. I love rice. A breakfast scramble with veggies over rice with a drizzle of soy sauce? Yum. If you haven’t tried it, you should try it. Rice was integrated into every meal, along with noodles as well. Something about that simple tasting, sticky, slightly chewy goodness that I can never seem to fully give up. I tend to have a weird yearning… or craving if I don’t have it for awhile. Maybe it’s that I’m Chinese and try to limit my carb intake. Hmm probably. Love-hate it is!
Why is this bad for us diabetics?
1. Rice is one of the top foods that raise your blood sugar levels.
2. White rice has very, very little fiber which means that this food does not stay in your system for very long. Maybe this is why people say they are hungry not long after chowing down on some Chinese food?
3. Little nutritional value. Not a whole lot of vitamins, minerals, fiber… just plain rice goodness.
4. A cup of rice is about 45 grams of carbohydrates. This is the equivalent of 3 slices of bread or one and a half apples.
5. TWO cups of rice breaks down to the equivalent of 22 grams of SUGAR!
6. High glycemic index which means your blood sugar will increase rapidly after eating!
Okay, enough of the negative. Let’s be real, I eat it anyways. My endocrinologist says I should stay away but I’m doing pretty well as far as control with my diabetes. So… I’m going to enjoy that rice gosh darn it! It’s delicious and scrumptious and I doubt I could ever fully give it up. Moderation is key I suppose. You only live once, right? I feel so fortunate that I am able to have the insulin that suits my needs and the ability to know how much to take for any given meal. Being diabetic is not fun in a lot of ways, but there are always worse things. So, in conclusion, I eat what I love in moderation and I will never stop loving rice. Yum.
This article will take approximately 3-5 minutes to read.
After my workout this morning, I sit in the sauna to think, meditate, and well… just sweat it out. It feels good! If you haven’t tried it, and you have access to one – do it! Anyway, I started thinking a lot about the evolution of this blog.
I started this blog with the intention of getting the word out about our Diabetes and Colitis management through food. We almost always cook with modifications and finds ways to better suit both of our needs. I mean, after all, we love food. Then, the more I thought about my posts, my thoughts, and what I wanted to really write about, was not JUST about food and recipes, but about the mental, physical, and life changes that need to happen in order to make ourselves healthy according to OUR personal molds. It is not only specific to food or diets, but specifics about exercise (types of exercise, how it affects our health according to each individual, what exercises work the best for our goals, what our intentions are with exercising, what is realistic, etc.), food (choices, capabilities, modifications, portion size, balance of proteins, carbs, veggies/fruits, etc.), and a healthy mind (how we deal with stresses, loss, guilt, motivation, determination, support or lack thereof, love, relationships etc.). I found that I didn’t want to write as much because I felt constricted to our primary topic of food and recipes.
What am I going to do about it?
Change it up! My intentions for this blog are selfish and self-less. I get to be selfish sometimes and in this case, it is an outlet for me. I want to put my experiences, my thoughts, and ideas out there NOT for gratification, but to take the change in knowing that someone else might relate to me in a large or small way. I want to be self-less in the sense that I would like to be able to help anyone that could be in the same boat as me, or have interests in the same topics. I know that diabetes management, colitis management, weight loss, motivation and making changes to your habits and daily life can be extremely challenging. My main topic is still, of course health.
So here I go…
A recent situation has led me to truly change me for the best. People call it a ‘blessing in disguise’. Over the past few weeks I’ve had a lot of time to reflect and dig deep about myself and my purpose. The topic that comes to mind constantly is my health – diabetes, weight management, mental state of being, and my overall comfort level in my own skin. Like most people, their jobs and families consume a large part of one’s life. I know that for me, when times at work become extremely stressful, my level of motivation to work out decreases prrrrretty quickly. So, with work and wedding planning I had hardly any drive to work out. What did that do? That increased my blood sugar levels which increased my hemoglobin A1C level, body fat percentage increased due to lack of exercise which then decreased my energy levels as well. As you can see, it is quite the domino effect! With diabetes, people are more susceptible to pretty much everything! My work situation was the start of an ongoing decrease in health and I can’t tell you how incredibly relieved I am. It feels pretty gosh darn awesome to be healthy again.
So here’s what I’m currently doing. Now, I take spin class or run three days a week, pilates three days a week, and weight/strength training three days a week. I am currently checking my blood sugar levels four times a day to ensure tight control of my levels – which then affects the A1C. My A1C lab test result was provided as of this week and it is 6.8. This is a little high compared to last time. In two and a half months, my goal is 6.0. With the exercise, tight control and motivation, I know I can do it! With the combination of different types of exercise and checking my levels 4-5 times a day, there is no excuse to not reach my goals. Not to mention the increase in exercise has increased my energy levels and I truly feel good in my own skin. I look at the scale and see no fluctuation in numbers, but I know my body is changing and I can feel it.
I know it’s only been a few weeks. I know this is not a total life change. But it’s a step in the right direction! All my life I’ve been in flux. My workout schedule, my eating habits, my comfort level with my weight/body. We all have our moments, but for me, it has been a huge struggle. I’m not entirely sure why to be honest with you. I know it is dependent upon my stress levels which are connected to my energy levels. I also know I love food too much. I’m such a sucker for good food! Otherwise, I’m not sure. Maybe I get bored? Maybe it’s based on my emotions? All good stuff for me to think about! But as of now, I am so happy with where I’m at, how I feel, and the path that I’m on. Now the real challenge is – is to stick with it!
That being said… I am changing the name of the blog. Haven’t found one that I love just yet, but stay tuned… I will be writing more about life experiences in conjunction with my/our health.
Gotta stay motivated. My recent A1C was 6.8 which is a little high for me. My goal is 5.8-6.0 in two and a half months. Checking my blood glucose 4+ times a day and making sure my levels are lower than 140 (specifically 2hrs after eating). Getting a pump and must stay on track. Spin, weights, plyometrics, running, plyometrics and pilates… Working out 5x per week, with 3 double days.
Someone posted this and I just had to repost it! Think about it, do you love what you do? Are you someone that is passionate about your job or career? We spend so much of our waking lives at work. So make it something that you love.
Have you read that book ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’? I have. I can honestly say I could write my own version. Warning: this is my story and my story only. This is not a post about how you should be, how I want to be, how you should parent – or not parent. This is not a post to offend anyone. This is my own story.
What exactly is a Tiger Mom? (Here begins the longest run-on sentences – my apologies to the grammar nazi’s out there). To me, a Tiger Mom is a full Chinese (or Asian), traditional, parenting by brute-force, driven by success, makes no exceptions, uses verbal and physical force to establish a point, excuses and complaining are not allowed – ever, playdates are rarely accepted, friends of status are friends to keep, image is everything, appearance is everything…and the list could go on but I will spare you. HOWEVER, as a daughter of a Tiger mom… dominance is not OK, playing piano or instrument is a necessity – not only that, but to practice for at least one hour, if not two, per day, sweets/candy were only given on occasion, being anything but thin is to be obese, there is no such thing as being in second place, fear is instilled if you do not follow directions or orders correctly, you are never good enough, there is always something you could do better, you could always look better, there is always something to nitpick, if you’re not good anything – you keep trying until you are (or blue in the face), emotions are not spoken of freely, you are to always look and act the part, especially in public, any ‘f’ ups are not acceptable and could potentially embarrass her which will result in a slap across the face or spanking, asking for water when you are extremely thirsty and under the age of 3 results in your hand being placed on the cutting board with a knife held up against your fingers with her yelling at you saying that if you don’t stop asking, she will cut off your fingers with the knife one by one, if you misbehave in any way – she will grab your arm and squeeze your arm until her fingernails dig into your skin creating wonderful little scabs in shapes of fingernails… and the list could go on.
Hmm… well let’s just begin by saying, I am grateful for many different aspects of how I grew up. All things listed above are not shared by every tiger mom, just by the one that I know best, my own tiger mom. How about we start with the things I’m grateful for to ease things into the core of it all. I am grateful for … having two parents to raise me, that my parents decided to have two kids after me – those being my sisters, for teaching me discipline, introducing me to sports, introducing me to music, teaching me what hard work means, learning how to be independent, understanding sharing and to be disciplined, to learn how to just do things – things you don’t necessarily want to do, and of course, fake it until you make it.
Now for the fun stuff. Let’s just say it was really difficult to grow up in my household for a number of reasons. Many of which, I will not mention. However, I can say, that the Chinese culture can be unforgiving in a number of ways. The ‘American’ way of parenting versus the ‘Chinese’ way of parenting often conflict. Again, I must emphasize, I am in no way saying how someone should parent, or the right or wrong way to go about things. It’s just my observation. From what I’ve seen, it seems that Asian parents more often than not, are more commanding and demanding. You are not given a choice. Appearance, how you looked and acted visually and politically was what mattered most. Isn’t that ironic? People do this on a daily basis and often times, to this extent – to keep the peace of course. However, people can read through this quite easily more often than you think. To be the ‘perfect’ family is not the norm. Every family has it’s struggles, hardships, and stressful times. Here is my question, how much should you pretend – and how much should you be genuine when it comes to your private versus public life? Please note, this does not include work or career settings.
More to come… these are thoughts for now… our wedding is in FIVE days! Woot woot!
I study romantic relationships. I’m also engaged. So, of course, I’ve given a tremendous amount of thought as to what it really means for my partner and I to marry one another. Researchers have found that weddings are deeply significant life events, but we don’t really know why they’re so meaningful. Marriage may simply be about celebrating a milestone: recognizing the relationship that a couple has built together and the love that they share for each other. But weddings are also very future-oriented, as the couple publicly promises to maintain their relationship for life. I suspect that it’s really these vows — the solemn promises that the newlyweds make to each other in front of their closest friends and family — that are at the crux of why weddings have such an emotional impact.
No pressure. As my partner and I sat down to think about our own vows, clearly we had a lot to consider. If these promises are the essence of what it means to be married, then what exactly do we want to promise each other? We could always go with the traditional marriage vows: for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better for worse… but, these seemed a bit too vague for our tastes. We decided that we wanted to make more specific, behavioural promises: things we can strive to do for each other that would help us to not only remain together, but also happy and fulfilled in our marriage.
Conveniently, I had decades of research at my fingertips to help us figure out what it really means to be a good spouse. Why not harness those resources for our wedding? In other words — and this may sound completely over-the-top nerdy to some — we decided to write some research-based vows.
Below are the ten promises that we’ve decided to make to each other. We believe that each of these promises is going to help us to achieve long-term marital bliss. Here’s why:
1. “I promise to respect, admire, and appreciate you for who you are, as well as for the person you wish to become.”
Research on positive illusions shows that it’s helpful to see romantic partners in a positive light — to appreciate their positive qualities rather than ruminating about their flaws. Not only does this sunny outlook lead to better relationship satisfaction, but positive illusions help partners to feel better about themselves.1 So, in the first part of this vow, we’re promising to always see the best in each other.
In the second part of this vow, my partner and I are promising to support each other’s attempts to grow and improve ourselves over time. This is called theMichelangelo phenomenon, and research shows that supporting your partner’s changes to their self in this way is very beneficial both for the partner and for the relationship.2 Importantly, I’m not promising to help my partner improve in the wayI want him to improve, but in the way he wants to improve himself, and vice versa. It’s all about supporting the partner’s own personal goals.
2. “I promise to support and protect your freedom; because although our lives are intertwined, your choices are still yours alone.”
This vow draws from research on autonomy. Although humans are social creatures who both need and enjoy relationships, it’s also important for us to maintain our individuality. In particular, we need to feel like the decisions we’re making are truly coming from us. When people feel forced or coerced into making choices — like they didn’t have any real choice in the matter — they’re less happy and less fulfilled. And, as you might have guessed, that lack of happiness is problematic for relationships.3 In this vow, my partner and I are promising to avoid pressuring, guilting, or otherwise coercing each other into making decisions, striving instead to always respect each other’s right to make choices for ourselves.
3. “I promise to seek a deep understanding of your wishes, your desires, your fears and your dreams.”
This vow draws from research on responsiveness, which involves sensitively meeting your partner’s needs. Striving to meet each other’s needs is a cornerstone of healthy relationships.4 However, you can’t meet a partner’s needs if you don’t know what they are. Understanding one’s partner is the first step to being responsive, which is why we each promise to seek a deep understanding of one another.
4. “I promise to always strive to meet your needs; not out of obligation, but because it delights me to see you happy.”
Once we figure out what each other’s needs are, my partner and I promise that we will try our best to meet those needs. Of course, this can be easier said than done. Sometimes, giving your partner what they need involves difficult sacrifices on your part.
Research on sacrifice shows that it’s important not to make sacrifices for avoidance-based reasons, such as feeling as though you “should” be giving something to your partner. Both partners are better off when any sacrifices are made out of approach motives, such as genuinely wanting to make your partner happy.5 So, with this vow, my partner and I are promising each other that when we do sacrifice for each other, we’ll do it only with love and care, and not with reluctance or resentment. If and when we can’t make sacrifices for the right reasons, it’s probably better not to make the sacrifice at all.
5. “I promise to be there for you when you need me, whenever you need me.”
This vow is based on what it means to be a good attachment figure: the person in your life who you most strongly rely on for support. With this vow, we’re promising to reliably be there for each other when one of us is distressed: to be each other’s soft place to fall, or what researchers call a “safe haven”.6
6. I promise to nurture your goals and ambitions; to support you through misfortune and celebrate your triumphs.
This vow covers the other side of being a good attachment figure: being there for your partner when they’re not distressed. Basically, my partner and I both want to know that we can take risks, make mistakes, and come home to a supportive partner at the end of the day. Letting your partner go out and conquer their goals, knowing that you’re there in the background cheering them on, is called being a “secure base”.7
7. “I promise to keep our lives exciting, adventurous, and full of passion.”
Here, we draw from research on self-expansion theory, showing that couples are happier when they engage in new, interesting things together.8 Basically, we’re promising each other not to let our relationship fall into a rut.9 We’re going to keep courting each other, keep travelling and exploring together, and keep sharing novel and interesting experiences with each other for the rest of our lives.
8. “I promise to persevere when times get tough, knowing that any challenges we might face, we will conquer them together.”
This is the closest that our vows come to representing the traditional vows about being together “for better, for worse”; in other words, to stay committed to each other. Research shows that by having this committed outlook — where we intend to stay together through thick and thin — we should be better able to deal with any adversity that might come our way. This is because, when a couple sees themselves as a permanent partnership, their perspective on problems tends to shift from being about “me against you” to being about “us against the issue”. Researchers call this “transformation of motivation”: commitment helps people to stop treating conflicts as zero-sum, instead keeping the wellbeing of their partner and their relationship in mind.10 So, by acting like a team, we’ll be in a better position to face challenges together.
9. “I promise to treat you with compassion over fairness, because we are a team, now and for always.”
This vow draws from research on communal orientation. Being communally-oriented means that you contribute to your relationship based on what is needed and based on what you have to give.11 In other words, it’s about being a team player. With this vow, we’re promising not to “track and trade,” keeping careful tabs on each other to ensure that we’re each contributing to the relationship fairly and equally (“I did the dishes yesterday, so you should do them today”). Instead, we’re promising to always strive to contribute what we can, based on the needs of our partner (“You got home very late and had a stressful day — I’ll do the dishes tonight”). We trust that our respective efforts will more or less balance out in the long run. Communal strength, or this willingness to give to the relationship without much concern for what you’re receiving in return, is associated with a whole range of positive relationship outcomes.12
10. “I promise to show you, every day, that I know exactly how lucky I am to have you in my life.”
With this last vow, we draw from research on the emotion of gratitude.13 When people feel appreciative of their partners, they’re happier and more committed to their relationships. And when people express gratitude to their partners, their partners feel appreciated, that makes those partners feel happier, more committed, and more appreciative themselves. It’s all a wonderful cycle of goodness. So in this vow, my partner and I are promising to never take each other for granted, but rather to appreciate what we have and express that appreciation to each other often.
After the wedding, we’re planning on getting these engraved and hung up in our hallway, to remind ourselves regularly that we made these promises. Clearly, actually following them is the real challenge. But the effort we put into keeping them will undoubtedly make our relationship stronger.
And by the way, if anyone else likes the idea of having wedding vows that are based on research, feel free to use these. We’re happy to share!
This article was originally written for Science of Relationships: a website about the psychology of relationships that is written by active researchers and professors in the field.
Yes, I said it. I know this is supposed to be a food blog, but this post is not really about food. I suppose the subject of this post could promote eating habits that may not be wanted. Oh well. Wedding stuff. Yes. This is where it gets real. Most people think wedding planning is fun – I beg to differ. The frustrating F’s. Finances and Family politics. I’m going to break it down – from my perspective of course, and what is happening with us. Please note: this may not be the case for you. If so, you are one lucky SOB. No joke.
Ok so you get engaged. SWEET! It’s exciting right? Everyone’s super happy for you, and literally, not even 12 hours later, people are asking THE dreaded question…”So how is wedding planning going?” My first thought is… wait, are you serious? I can’t just enjoy the fact that our relationship took it a step further into a truly wonderful state which we are still in total bliss about! No. No you cannot. Where are you having your wedding? Have you picked a venue? Have you chosen your bridesmaids? What are your colors? Have you gone wedding dress shopping? What does your dress look like? How many people are you inviting? And so fourth. You get the idea. Not even 24 hours later, these were the questions that I was being asked. Can’t a girl breathe a little? Maybe soak it all up for a couple days? Lesson learned – if one of your friends just got engaged, let them breathe a little bit and then ease it in. I, am of course at fault for doing this at times, and it is merely from an excitement stance. Therefore, I apologize!
Next, the wedding planning starts. Literally once you pick the time of year you want, or the location you’d like to have it… the rush to lock in your date at the venue of choice is SO important. It’s funny because Tom was actually getting frustrated with me because I was pushing to get this done first, and to get it out of the way. He soon realized why this was the case. Places book up FAST! Things to also take into consideration is if your family or your fiance’s location. Will you pick a destination location? Or will you pick a location that is accessible for both sides of the family to attend? Do you want a big wedding? Or small and intimate? In this case we wanted a small intimate wedding. Big weddings become a blur. Sure, my parents had a 400 person wedding. But do you think they remember anything of the reception? Probably not. Do you think they knew everyone there? Definitely not. We are not a fan of having a wedding where your mom and dad invite their colleagues, friends, coworkers, executives, 25th cousins etc…. Why do these people need to be there? Obviously for the parents or whomever to flaunt their stuff. Again, not our style. We decided to keep it small. We wanted to remember and cherish every person and situation that happens on our day.
So, the other dreaded subject and factor comes up… Finances. Dear goodness this one is a killer. In the bad way, not the good way. This determines everything. Literally… How much can you afford by the time your wedding day comes around? How much can you save? Will you have help? IF you have help, will that person make demands? If you have demands from parents, how do you handle them? This is the major kicker. This is what could make me want to take a shot of gin – and I despise, gin with a deep passion. But no, I haven’t. Here’s what happened to us. We decided to keep ours low-key (or try to), low-cost, and small. We basically have been planning it like we are to pay for everything.
A couple family members pitch in – Tom’s side helped and they said here you go towards the wedding. No requests, suggestions, or anything. They are quite experienced with the wedding deal having three children married, and two of the three having children now! So, we are so lucky that Tom’s side of the family has been so laid back and understanding of everything. Fast forward two months. On my side, a family member whom I will not name, gave us a contribution to our wedding. Upon receiving it, that VERY moment, I of course said thank you at least a dozen times, but also asked if there was anything specific this was to go towards. Venue? Dress? Decorations? Photographer? This person said, no there is nothing specific. You can do what you would like with it. This person said this multiple times because I asked multiple times to be sure. I was hesitant because I had a gut feeling there was a hidden agenda. Something in me said that this is not going to end well. Granted, at that point, you are torn between 1. this is generous and would help a ton. and 2. something bad is going to happen. We decided to go with number 1 since I asked probably 10 times – are you sure? There were absolutely NO ties to what we were receiving, otherwise, we wouldn’t have accepted it.
Fast forward THREE months. By now, we had already picked out our location, venue, photographer, ordered the dress, made our guest list, created our wedding website and our invitations. I receive an email DEMANDING that 1. I have to invite 15+ people, most of whom I never see, or haven’t since I was 12, 2. our chosen officiant should not be our officiant (basically because of a personal vendetta and bitterness), and 3. that my sisters NEED to be my bridesmaids and I am “wrong if I don’t do it”. Oh and the best part… ‘IF I choose to disregard the above information, the check needs to be in my hands by the end of this week.’ Please note, it was Wednesday. I read this email and of course my first reaction was PISSED. Many, many thoughts were running through my head, many of which were inappropriate words which I will not state for good reason. As I eventually calmed down, and consulted a few people I hold very close and dear to me, I came to the conclusion that is this: if we were to have known that there were any terms to the money given, we would NOT have accepted it. We accepted based on the the terms at the time. Threats are not accepted. Usually this doesn’t go over well with most people.
I spent many hours, days, weeks trying to figure out how I could try to meet everyone in the middle. Also in the midst of the chaos, I’ve noticed my craving for french fries, cookies, ice cream, wine and pasta increase TONS! How could I work things out so that at least there was some effort on my part to please them? I tried, I really did. But every single time I did, something else was requested, or not good enough or someone else was upset about something or another. It started to feel like an endless cycle of failures, and disappointments. I realized that nothing I could do could make it exactly right for anyone. Literally. You could call this giving up, sure. You could say I said ‘F it’. While I didn’t make such a dramatic, prominent announcement in my effort to change the way I was dealing with everything… I just kind of did everything how we would like it. We want it to be our day, right? It’s not a family friends day that I knew back when I was 12, it’s not my tennis coaches day from my middle and high school days, it’s not my 5th cousin’s day, or my mother’s day – it’s ours. That’s it, right? Ha, if only it was this simple. Easier said than done of course.
All in all, we want to make this celebration a day to remember, and specific to us. EVERYONE has an opinion, and an idea of how it ‘should be’ done. Parents will be excited, and wanting to plan things how they would like. It is true, it is a big day for them as well. But all in all, what matters most? I can tell you what everyone says to me. It is your day, make it about you both. In the end, the most important thing is the marriage between two people, and two families coming together to become one.
I’m still craving french fries, noodles and chinese food. Darn it.